The Herring Disaster!

Poor Mr. Johnstons rather sad, because of late he has been ‘had’,
By a vile raving herring-man, who would do any in the land,
He drove to town a smallish beast, which hauled a trap, which held a feast,
Of silvery herrings looking well, but neither fit to taste or smell.
He wore no smile, he wore no frown as he rode into Draperstown,
But took a good look at the place, and said, ‘This spot will suit my case,
I’ll face my beastie to the wind and soon rake in a handsome sum.’
He did the town from top to bottom, and sold his fish all stinking-rotten.
At every house that he passed by, ‘Fresh herrings’ was the strangers cry.
Poor Mr. Johnston was the first the wily herring man to trust,
For cash he did not give a rap but made a bee-line for the trap.
As he was doing wishful thinking, not knowing that the fish was stinking.
And so he bought a regular haul, misleading thus his neighbours all,
But when the time came round to fry, a gathering stench soon rolled on high,
And spread like wildfire o’er the land, and drove the cooks all from their pans.
The police sniffed, they’re always quick, and said, ‘This is some Hitler trick,
Put on your gas masks one and all, lest dire destruction on us fall,’
From the Town Hall to Burnside, a crowd of rats were soon espied,
All in a frenzied state, preparing to evacuate
Brave Bernard Gormley’s dogs got out, whene’er they found the rats about,
But sickened by the smell, they said, ‘Just let them go to h-l.’
And the town cats — a whiskered host– rushed up the trees and the lamp posts,
To catch a rat they did not pause, but raced aloft to wipe their jaws.
Poor Johnny Boyle was in despair; he said ‘This case will spoil the fair,
For how can strangers buy or sell, when all our cookings gone to hell?’
Poor Mr. Johnston’s heart is broken, by every sign, by every token,
As their good pans no more can fry and metal-ware so hard to buy.
Let’s hope the war will quickly end, and pans come in to save our friend.
Poor Mrs. Parkinson was shocked, when that vile smell rolled through her shop.
But soon her husband did surprise her, by fetching a deodoriser,
And soon the news spread through the place — ‘Its’s not so bad there’s one pan safe.’